Grids

It's worse than high school, I suppose. At least after A-N block I went home. I take that back; it had its own unique problems and so does College. Somehow they feel a little more serious now, but I'm sure "high school" problems were just as serious to me when they occurred.

Maybe it's a matter of 37 thousand dollars a year for an education that medical students don't even really need nor do they use. Pre med is the biggest joke and money maker. It's just a series of hoops to jump through, it's just another way for people to make money of you, it's just another heart attack waiting to happen.

And all the while you're loosing touch. Touch with my family, my friends, myself, my boyfriend.

One bad week doesn't spoil the long-term however. I refuse to give up now more than ever. Especially after realizing how interesting, empowering and cool my major really is.

I work so hard to make everything fit into those nice neat little grid schedules that run from 7AM to midnight seven days a week. It's depressing, I know, but it has to be that way to make sure all my bases are covered.

Lets not blame anyone but myeslf here; I did this to myself: I chose to be an RA, I chose to be Biochem/Premed, I chose to be a lunatic. And I knew he was going away since he was a Sophomore.

It's just at the end of the week, when I haven't anything to look forward to, no concrete release, no way to escape from the grind of Simmons, Boston, or even my regular friends it starts to wear me the fuck out. I'm worn out.

Plus, my research no longer exists. It was fun but a lotta work at the same time. It was applied science which is a pipedream for undergrads.

I didn't realize I'd be so sad about not having research time. I didn't realize I would feel so annoyed about my lack of fridays. And I also didn't think that some of my friends wouldn't realize that, yes, even Shahrin has issues and that she actually isn't "all right." And I need someone who isn't in Egypt to realize this.

What now then? I took the night off from schoolwork. Well not really but whatever. Tomorrow I have another set of hoops, and grids to fit into and jump and tapdance and whatever else.

Next slide.